My God is Enough.

Amazing God.

It’s amazing how today I was down a little bit. I was home alone and listening to music when I came along Kari Jobe acoustic versions of her newest album songs. And man oh man. I cried tonight. Just closing my eyes and listening to the words and her voice. It literally brought goosebumps to my arms. And a comforting spirit and warmth to my heart knowing that Jesus was right there with me; holding me.

I was looking for a notebook, an empty one, and I happened to come across my old prayer journal from 2004. On the inside cover, there is a little note from God that said, “Whether near or far away, I’ll always be with, Night or day! ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’-Hebrews 13:5”

Right then at that moment when I read this, I knew God had wanted me to open up all those notebooks, looking through all those pages, searching for an empty one; when really, I was looking for something like a journal from my past. I needed to see this verse, I just didn’t know where to find it or where in my house I would find it besides the bible.

God works in mysterious ways to get our attention and to make us focus on Him. What would I do without that?!

Meditation is not just for yoga.

First weekend in February was a good way to start my month. My old youth had a girls purity retreat, that I attended and had a great time. At this retreat, the speakers didn’t discuss things that would normally come to mind when you say ‘purity’. Instead they spoke on pure thoughts toward yourself, others and God.

For one of the speaking sessions, the woman spoke on how we need to mediate on things from the bible and time for God; and that it didn’t matter when we took that time as long as we did. She also said that it was a good idea to mediate on one scripture that applied to our life and was good for us to remember. …this paraphrased though…

One scripture that came to mind for me to mediate on was 1Corinthians 13. This chapter of the bible is all about love; the importance, the different aspects of it and so on.

1Corinthians 13: 4-8 starts off by saying what love is, “Love is patient. Love is kind. Love isn’t jealous. It doesn’t sing its own praises. It isn’t arrogant. It isn’t rude. It doesn’t think about itself. It isn’t irritable. It doesn’t keep track of wrongs. It isn’t happy when injustice is done, but it is happy with the truth. Love never stops being patient, never stops believing, never stops hoping, never gives up.”

I love that last sentence. But it’s hard to believe that what we think love is today has completely changed when it was based off of this. When did love start being jealous because you didn’t look like another girl? When did love become such a burden in your life that you had to hold grudges on the person that you say you loved?

I just don’t understand, because if love really is patient, believing in another person, hoping for the best outcome, and not giving up on each other, then why do we constantly see marriages and relationships just fall apart because they have ‘irreconcilable differences’. I do understand, however, that some people just weren’t meant to be together.

I’m going to mediate on this for a while, because I want all my relationships to reflect this verse and chapter.

Friends…

Everyone needs friends. One, two or maybe even 3. But I’m not talking about how many friends you can get on facebook; I’m talking about who you share your deepest, darkest secrets and thoughts with. Someone who won’t judge you and know exactly what you need to hear…even if its tough.

I have friends, but none that are someone who I call when I’m down and depressed that day. I have made up all the excuses you can think of as to why I don’t hang out with anyone after school. I had co-op, they have work, projects, tests, I would be bothering them, they don’t want to hear my thoughts because I don’t want to either.

But I’ve had enough! I’m not standing in the background anymore. I need a friend and other people do too. If you want to be my friend, I will welcome you and get to know you. But do NOT take the friends that I have tried so hard to make. I may be shy and stick to my friends, like Court, but give me a chance.

Since coming to high school, I’ve made all new friends. With people who have just moved here, and people who have lived here but gone to different schools. Grade 9 was great! I made a bunch of friends, which was a fantastic change from elementary school.

But, then one Friday night, I was told that another girl was having friend issues. I walked over to her and introduced my other new friends to her and eventually they all ‘clicked’ to this lonely girl.

I was left without all my new friends, all by myself. It was deja vu, and I hated it. To this day, I still dislike the person that did this. I don’t hate her but I’m not particularly happily with the situation. Each person is very nice and I can’t complain, it’s just I don’t like how they clicked to one girl and left me.

I’m continually praying for new friends to enter my life, while keeping the old. But, as I said before, I will become more bold. This is a new chapter in my life. New things need to start happening for and with me. I will make things happen.

I miss you…

I miss you. I miss going around camp on our bikes singing the songs from the worship service. I miss your beautiful smile. I miss how you would let me wear your glasses so the trees and things would be in HD. I miss when you would do my hair for 2 hours just because it was fun. I miss when we would play Rummy Wild till you won, which got pretty often. I miss when we played cards with chocolate face masks on.

I miss listening to you play/practice your piano at your grandparents house. I miss our bible study times while we ate our english muffins for breakfast. I miss hearing you sing and play guitar. I miss going shopping with you and trying everything on just because we wanted to. I miss when we hid my $6 purse under the table so nobody would buy it before I could pay for it while the sidewalk sales were going on.

I hated having to say goodbye to you after such a great summer of being together everyday. I miss going to that one church in paris and while we were waiting in the car Puppa said grammas going as fast as a turtle. I miss going to Overflow and jumping up and down with you at the concerts.

I miss talking to you about everything. I miss staying up late when we had sleepovers and talking about guys. I miss all the times that we had good hearty laughs about whatever. I miss when you would hold my hand when we walked past the really dark spot while walking you home after service and late-night.

I think you should listen to the beautiful song by kari jobe we are. I would love to hear you play and sing it. It would make me cry… Anna, I miss you. I can’t wait to see you again. Camp can’t come fast enough. <3

If there was one thing to know about me is I am tender-hearted.

My heart just breaks when I think of all the people who are abused when they’re children by people who are supposed to love them unconditionally. Nothing will replace those horrible memories, emotions and physical pain that they went through. They were innocent children, they didn’t know any different. They did something to upset you but they didn’t know that it would.

To watch a video of a girl getting abused/ whipped with a thick belt, absolutly brought me to tears and is going to make me sick. Hearing the cries and the father yelling is so hard to get out of my mind now that I have heard it. I guess I was ignorant to the fact that this happens all the time, because I was blessed as a child to be born into a family where the belt was never used. I learned to respect my parents and other family members by just wanting to please them.

If my husband ever beats or abuses my/our child, I can’t even imagine how I will react. Knowing that I will be crying as well and screaming at him to stop, and trying to comfort a child that is hurting.

I might: -go in front of the child to take the beating instead

-take the child away from the household for as long as necessary

-if it continues, file for a divorce

-not speak to my spouse for several days

In all, I hope my kids relationship will be a healthy and ‘normal’ one with myself and my husband. I will always be the one who comforts, that’s just my personality. I’m sensitive. I can’t watch someone go through pain of any sorts and not feel pain for that person. It’s absolutely awful. I watched someone having a bad day take it out on someone at a business, while I was there for lunch. I watched as that person gave the person bad attitude and looks while the recipient was innocent. I almost walked over there and chastised the one person for being so rude and inconsiderate to the other person. I felt bad for staring but I was in shock that I was witnessing this all go down.

I understand when having a bad day, you just need to vent and kind of take it out on someone but apologize after. But do not doit in front of customers!

-

Thanks to all those little people.

God has placed certain people in my life to get me where I am today for a reason. They have pushed me to do better, and encouraged me to do things I have never even thought of doing before. My mom always asked me after retreats, conferences and camp, if I had received the power to speak in tongues. I researched it more in my bible and found out what a great gift it is. I got it at a retreat after praying for it for so long. But that’s just one example.

You see if it weren’t for ‘small’ people who came into our lives, some things wouldn’t have happened how they did. Like the little boy who had the five loaves and two fish in John 6:1-14, there was about 5 000 men in the crowd, and Jesus performed, probably one of the well known miracles in the bible. He multiplied the barley bread and the two small fish to feed everyone. Once they were all full, Jesus had his disciples gather the leftovers. They had overall 12 baskets filled with the leftovers. All 5 000 were feed and full with just the 5 loaves and 2 fish that Jesus gave thanks over!

If you feel like you don’t meet the standards of today’s world or your life, just remember, please, that God can still use you for what He feels is needed. You could be the Little Person in someone else’s life that they will thank later on…you never know. But it always helps if you have a small ego too, because then you won’t feel that you are too good to help the homeless, diseased, or orphaned.

Apology…

I’m sorry doesn’t even begin to say how I feel sometimes. “Say sorry…” for what, I don’t know sometimes… I’m sorry for all the times that I have dissed you. I’m sorry for the weird, immature things that I have done. I’m sorry for not getting an 80% on all those tests. I’m sorry for not wanting to get out of my comfort zone.

I’m sorry I go all shy when around new people. I’m sorry I said something wrong in a situation. I’m sorry I overreacted. I’m sorry I wasn’t fully aware of the situation. I’m sorry I can’t be sporty like those other girls. I’m sorry I don’t want to be in all the clubs. I’m sorry I crossed my arms when it was wrong to do so. I’m sorry I got jealous of those you were talking to and texting.

But you know what?

God still loves me. He still thinks I’m perfect. Through all those ‘I’m sorry’s’, He was looking down saying, “It’s ok, my child, you are forgiven. When my son, Jesus Christ, died for you, all was forgiven. You are made new under the blood flowing from His side.”

Home Sweet Home.

That is a phrase commonly put on pillows or cork boards around houses. But sometimes they change on you to say, cottage sweet cottage, if say it were in a cottage. Shocker eh?! …just kidding.

Well the story behind this blog started when I was walking home from school one day. I looked at my neighbourhood, thought back to when I went door to door to sell chocolate bars or cookies for school or Girl Guides. I thought about who would come to the door and actually buy the items. Or the things they would say like, “Oh, my granddaughter went there! Sure I’ll take one.”

But when you look at a house you see the house. What about, the stories and memories of those who live there? When someone dies or police are called to a house near you, you start to ask questions about your neighbours…naturally.

When I picture a happy family and neighbourhood, I see a white picket fence, big house with lots of windows, and kids running in their Sunday best, while their grandparents sit on the porch and their parents make the meal look its best on the dining room table for maybe, thanksgiving. Everyone has a smile on their face. All looking like they are having a fantastic time in each others company.

This is what I wish for my family to look like someday. All happy and not sad on the inside with a fake smile plastered on my face to look like I’m a strong individual to people passing by. I hope that I’m the type of neighbour that people will want to come to, to ask if I have sugar or if I could give them advice on what to do with something in their lives.

John 13:34 & 35, “I’m giving you a new commandment: love each other in the same way that I have loved you. Everyone will know that you are my disciples because of your love for each other.” Jesus said. Everyone is a neighbour to me because they are people by me, not just in a neighbourhood. Everywhere.